I was bored today at work and avoiding homework...(hence all the posts today!) and found the 10 Commandments of Rugby. There are several versions here as they are all funny!
http://www.rugbyfootball.com/ten_command.html
I. Thou shalt have no other sport before rugby.
II. Thou shalt not make unto thyself any graven image of a soccer player, a player of badminton or likewise a player of ping pong. Thou art a rugby player and a man therewith. Speaketh not in tones of political correctness, but, rather, let thy voice be forthright. Let thy communication be "With you!" or "Ball, ball!" and speaketh not the lukewarm utterances of the players of other sports.
III. Thou shalt not take the name of thy coach in vain. Thou shalt obey him, and put his playing plan forth onto the pitch.
IV. Remember the rugby day, to keep it holy. Six days shalt thou drink, and do all thy drunkenness: But the rugby day is for thy club, and thou shalt not cause thy club to be mocked by thy drunkenness and stupor.
V. Honour thy practice sessions that thy days may be long upon the land which thy rugby club giveth thee.
VI. Thou shalt not hack or stomp. Behold, hacking is an abomination unto me, and maketh thy opponent's head like unto spoiled fruit. This is not meet in mine eyes.
VII. Thou shalt not commit rugby whoredom, for, behold, whoring is an abomination unto me. Thou shalt retain thy love for one rugby club only, and not be given unto rugby whoredom like unto those of Babylon.
VIII. Thou shalt not steal. If a pitcher of beer belongeth to thy neighbor, thou shalt not touch it.
IX. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy referee. When he asketh thee if thou hast sinned, thy answer shall be, "Yes, sir" and if no, "No, sir." Thou shalt not speak until him until he speaketh unto thee, and intemperate statements shall thou not make unto him.
X. Thou shalt not covet thy scrumhalf's ball, but shall rather wait for him to passeth unto thee or another before playing it thyself. If thou art not the scrumhalf, thou shalt not act like unto him, for this is confusion.
http://wesclark.com/rrr/10_commandments.html
1. Thou shalt not hesitate at the breakdown, but be mighty to get your rightful ball; for though it is written that the meek shall inherit the earth, this is truly was a poor translation. The meek shall be trampled into the dirt is more to the point.
2. Thou shalt not speak profanely of the Whistler, nor question the purity of his birth, even though he be blind to transgressions by devils on the other team at the ruck and the maul, and whistles them not.
3. Thou shalt not smite an opponent with a clenched fist, yeah, even in retaliation; for it is written that the Whistler and the Flag Waver shall assuredly miss the cowardly first punch, only to see the avenging second. Believeth that what goeth around shall surely cometh, and verily, evil men will be found at the bottom of rucks.
4. Thou should not kiss thy teammate on the mouth when he scores; for such is an abomination unto God, especially kisses in tongues, unless you play football with the round white ball and thus it is expected.
5. Thou shalt not take the Word of the Coach in vain, for blessed is the Word of the Coach. Instead, wonder at his mighty wisdom and sticketh to His Game Plan, lest the Coach acquaint you with his disciples coaching in the lower grades.
6. Thou shalt not chip nor kick for touch if thou be a prop or wear any jersey number below that of 7; for this is an abomination unto the Coach, and surely you will be His at training, perhaps everlasting.
7. Thou shalt not run across the field with ball in hand, but runneth straight ahead upfield; for it is written that the touchline is the best defender.
8. Thou shalt not kick the ball to thine enemies unless it bounceth; for the Spirit of the bounce of the Ball may cause confusion unto them, and if thy heart be pure, make it bounceth back unto you.
9. Thou shalt not pass the ball to a teammate about to be smashed by the mighty enemy, unless he owes you money, or has rodgered someone dear to your heart, in which case all is forgiven.
10. Thou shalt not vomit on thy teammates after the game, for this is unmanly, and they could do it unto you.
http://www.hvrugby.com/a010.html
1. Thou shalt not knock-on
2. Thou shall wear rebels colors at drink-up.
3. Thou shall not shower before the drink-up ritual commencement.
4. Thou shall speak to the opposite sex only when in possession of an alcoholic beverage.
5. Thou shall not smoke cigarettes.
6. Thou shall not forget any rugby equipment.
7. Thou shall not converse with referee in hostile matter.
8. Thou shall not be cosigned to the bin of sin by referee.
9. Thou shall not engage in kissing while inside an alcohol serving establishment.
10. Thou shall not have sexual relations with a rebel rugger.
And here is some MORE rugby humor:
Rugby Player Positions - What they really mean!
The Pack: Eight handsome burly guys whom you'll gladly give your beer and food to, and you'd want to marry your daughter. They are intelligent, elegant, sensitive, and sweet. Truly the ideal men.
The Backs: Seven guys who will steal your beer while you're not looking, take advantage of your women folk, barnyard animals, and all tubular household objects. Often dine on quiche, brie cheese and wine. Been known to understand the rule of the ESPN Extreme games' rules. Regularly take blow dryers on road trips, wear bikini underpants, and carry STDs (AVOID AT ALL COSTS).
Prop: Short but stout, these strapping men support the hooker, but no money ever changes hands and the act is never specifically named.
Hooker: Often identified by a balding spot atop the head, these vertically challenged but talented men stand between the two props, and secures the ball for his team during scrummages.
Second Row: These tall powerful men are the driving engines not only the scrum, but of the entire game. They can be found working their magic from deep in the scrum, behind the front row, or lofting high above the line outs pulling balls from the air.
The Back Row: Usually the most handsome and intelligent, these three men of strength are often considered the renaissance men of the rugby field. They not only control the ball, but the entire pitch. Remember, the back row defines the whole team's style of play.
Scrumhalf: The point guard of the rugby team the scrumhalf distributes the ball, runs hits, and kicks. Scrumhalf is only half as handsome and burly as the pack members
Flyhalf: The first of those back guys, and the first of the offensive chain. Often confused with an insect, may be referred to as the man with "the foot."
Centers: Another pair of those back guys. Either power runner, or annoying scampering guy usually found in the opposite order, but whose main purpose is to get the ball to ...
Wings: Ideally the fastest men on the team. Their job is to "score with the ball", but they often confuse it with "get tackled with the ball." Also an excellent snack when smothered in hot sauce and deep fried.
Fullback: The last line of defense. A back even the pack can appreciate, often viewed as a back row in the larval stage.
Rucking Zone
Keystone Premiership Team
ScrumQueens
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